James Bond Jr.

 James Bond Jr.

Hasbro

On the eve of the 25th James Bond film, and the end of the Daniel Craig era, let’s take it back 30 years…to a time when the franchise lay dormant, and producers were desperate to keep 007 alive.  Since the films were tied up in legal disputes and Timothy Dalton walked away, a new Bond would heed the call to action:  Bond…James Bond…Junior?

Yeah, it’s as stupid and confusing as it sounds.  Even if you can overlook the proactively neon, early 90s appeal, how can a long-time fan get past, “Um, wasn’t Bond and only child?”  Is this a weird honorary title?  A family friend of “Uncle James?”  Well I guess if stupid “Spectre” made Blofeld a foster brother, anything goes!  Wait…forget that…how is Dr. No alive?  AND WHY IS HE GREEN?!  Action figure appeal, I guess.  Or surviving his dip into hot, radioactive water had some repercussions?  Actually, he predates the same treatment Iron Man’s nemesis, Mandarin would get…avoiding Asian stereotypes by making them “alien” looking.  BUT HE STILL LOOKS LIKE A GREEN FU MANCHU!!!

Anyway, most changes can be chalked up to "James Bond for Kids" needed a brighter color palette.  Jaws’ suit is the brightest of blues.  And Oddjob…yikes…

 

They all have true “action features” appropriate to the characters.  Jaws, has exaggerated, ratcheting teeth, and Oddjob can throw his Run DMC hat.  Dr. No has a killer grip AND an arsenal of interchangeable weapon hands.

There are a few “original”figures in the line…like Dr. Derange.  He has a Jekyll/Hyde thing going on with his gimmick. With that grin and monocle, I prefer to think of him as the new incarnation of Dr. Carl Mortner, ex-Nazi scientist and Max Zorin’s test-tube daddy from “A View to a Kill.”  Hey, if Dr. No and Oddjob survived, this guy could have Robocop-ed himself back together after that blimp explosion, right?  And maybe the suave, younger turn is actually a bit of Max that survived?!  Crazy, right?  Just wait til I try and explain the only figure I am missing:  a mohawked, pirate/biker themed character, Captain Walker D. Plank.

Resurrecting villains works, but they went full-on “Muppet Babies” for the good guys.  Horace “IQ” Boothroyd, the grandson of Q, and Gordo Leiter, son of CIA agent, Felix Leiter.  Wait…fussy Q had a very private home life?  Was Felix married  before his newly wedded wife, Della was killed by South American drug lords in “License to Kill?”  

When your world looks kinda weird
and you wish you weren't there,
close your eyes and make believe
that you could be anywhere

Did you also imagine James Bond with a half-mullet and having some sort of gym coach named Buddy Mitchell?  Whatever…At least they all pack the appropriate gadgets, chops, and kicks.

 

The line included a couple of goofy variants for Junior (Scuba gear, flight gear, and, of course, *BARF* ninja gear) and a couple of vehicles.  The sports car is the biggest and best of them.  Not too far off from an actual 80s model car, save for the lame stickers on the sides and back.  You know what’s probably not a good idea for  a “secret” agent?  GETTING CUSTOM DECALS WITH YOUR NAME AND VISAGE PLASTERED ALL OVER YOUR CAR!

Aside from that, IQ has packed it with deadly features.  Extending machine guns and barbed, battering ram grill an.  Exhaust port missiles.  Raising, bullet-proof spoiler shield.  Buzz-saw extending rims.  Plus the old favorite, passenger side ejector seat!

 

 

I’ve had a lot of fun at the expense of this silly concept, but at least the figures are unique and a blast to play with.  Until Barbara Broccoli gets over herself and the idea that 007 merchandise needs to be high-end, adult only, this line and the Sideshow Collectibles dolls from the early 2000s are as good as it gets for comprehensive Bond figures.  I am holding out hope that a “made-to-order” concept, like Super 7 does with Ninja Turtles, Thundercats, Disney, etc, can talk some sense into her and get us some James Bond “Ultimates.”  6-7 inch articulated Bond figures with accessories, character selection from across the entire film library…sigh…

Muppet Babies!
They make their dreams come true
Muppet Babies!
They'll do the same for you!